Emma's Choice

Here's the info about Emma's Choice, which can be purchased here on Amazon (see previous post if you're confused about why I'm sharing this info):

About the story:

Emma has her perfect life, complete with an adoring husband and two children.  However, when tragedy strikes, Emma must decide how she can possibly pick up the pieces of her shattered heart and continue on.  She pushes all outside help away and moves halfway around the world to forget her problems.

Being lonely is harder than Emma ever imagined, for the ghosts are constantly there in her mind.  Not wanting to betray her family, but still wanting to live her life, Emma is faced with some big decisions.  With some help from two new friends, Emma is able to find her way back out of the darkness.

Here's a sample:

I couldn’t be noticed – that would spoil everything.  Creeping slowly, ever so quietly, I snuck towards them.  As close to the freshly cut grass as possible, I peeked around the shed and saw my targets.  Holding the camera my husband, Jesse, had gotten me last Christmas, I began taking snapshot after snapshot – not wanting to miss a moment of the raking party.  Not many of the leaves were making it into the bags, but it didn’t bother me one bit.  I watched our seven year old son, Alex, try to tackle his father into the pile Kady was busy raking.  At only five years old, she was quite precocious and, at times, seemed far too mature for her age.  This, however, wasn’t one of those times.  Kady laughed and jumped on top of her father to help her brother in the ensuing tickle fight.   

The crisp weather was perfect and reminded me why autumn was my favorite season.  I snapped more pictures as the children, in their father’s footsteps, made large piles of leaves and tried to see who could make the pile fly the farthest.  I was soon noticed and didn’t escape the leaf pile Jesse threw me in with the kids laughing all the while. 

            “If you know what’s good for you, you’d –”

            “I’d what?” Jesse interrupted, mockingly.

            I tried to quickly think of a good threat that I would actually follow through on.  “No dinner!” I exclaimed triumphant. 

Jesse looked at the kids with mock horror, and then lifted me out of the leaves.  “I guess we’d better let Mom go, eh guys?”  The kids laughed and giggled as I ran back inside.

            I grabbed some chicken from the freezer, put it on a plate, and stuck it in the microwave to start defrosting.  I started to get out potatoes and carrots to peel when Jesse and the kids walked through the door.  

            “Mom, guess what?! Guess what?!” Kady exclaimed as she shook out her blonde pigtails. 

            I knew there was no chance of actually guessing right, so I started the way I usually did.  “Wait! Let me guess…umm,” I drew it out for one long breath “you’re getting married?!  Oh honey! That’s so exciting! Congrats!  When do we get to meet the lucky man?” 

Kady started laughing and said, “No, no, no!  I’m waaaay too young for that, Mom!”

            “You’d better believe it.  Keep saying that for the next thirty years, okay kiddo?” Jesse interjected comically.  

            “Ok, I give up.  What?” I chuckled.

            “Dad says you need a break and we get to go out to eat tonight!!” Our kids started jumping.

            “Kids, your father is a very smart man, so I would listen to him if I were you,” I told them while grinning at my husband, “but no one is going anywhere until hands and faces are washed!”  The kids ran off to the bathroom as I asked Jesse, “Where are we going?” 

            “Your choice, babe.  I meant what I told the kids; you really do a lot for us and it’s time for a night out.  I’ll go wash up so that we can get going,” he smiled at me as he headed in the same direction the kids had gone.  A moment later I heard delighted screams as he snuck up on the kids with his best monster growl.  

            I decided that we were long overdue for a visit to my favorite Japanese restaurant.  The kids loved how the chefs cooked and tossed the food right in front of them.  The parking lot was always overcrowded, which meant we spent more time trying to find a space than we did in the actual restaurant, so we didn’t come here often.  Jesse dropped me and the kids off at the front, then drove off to find a parking spot.  We went in and were immediately enveloped in the smell of sushi and noodles.  While we waited for Jesse to join us, we sat on a couch near the front and talked.  “Alex, how has school been going?  Do you still like your teacher?”

            “School is fun!  Miss Merrill tells us about her boyfriend who is in the Army…or something like that.  And she makes math fun, mom!  Can you believe it?!” His green eyes and brown hair made him the spitting image of his father, but his face lit up with a childlike innocence that was all his own.

            Chuckling, I answered, “No, I can’t.”  Math wasn’t my strongest suit, but I was glad that Alex had gotten a great teacher this year to help him with it.  “What about your teacher, Kady?  What have you been learning about?”

            “My teacher is really nice, but she makes us raise our hands before we tell a story,” Kady pouted.

            “Hon, I know you love to tell everyone your wonderful stories, but Mrs. Randall is right.  It’s important to take turns so that everyone can listen and learn.”  I smiled to myself thinking about how outgoing Kady is.  Combine that with an overactive imagination and you get lots of stories all of the time. 

Right then Jesse walked in and we were led to our table.  Jesse and I sat in the middle, with Alex on my left and Kady, ever the daddy’s girl, on his right.  The chef came out after we had our sodas and asked if we were ready to order.  His nametag read, “Kai.”  After taking our orders, he enthusiastically said, “Okay, let’s get cooking!”  After a lot of flipping, tossing, juggling, and a fun onion fire, dinner was ready.  The kids chatted to each other across Jesse and I, and we enjoyed listening to their conversation.  It was about Kady’s upcoming birthday party. 

            “Mom said I could have a pizza party just like you, Alex!”

            “Well, it won’t be as fun ‘cause you won’t have any boys there,” Alex responded matter-of-factly. 

            “Uh-huh!   Ryan and Logan are coming!  And who cares if boys come?  Girls rule and boys drool!” Kady ended in a sing-song tone.

            Jesse interrupted them, “Guys, if we can’t get along, we can’t stop and get ice cream on the way home.”

            Kady and Alex started talking over each other, “We can get along!  We’re not even fighting, Dad.”

            “Oh so you guys like ice cream?  I was beginning to wonder,” Jesse teased.

            “YES!  We love it, Dad!” They were back on their best behavior. 

            We were finishing up our meals when the waitress came by with the check and reminded us to pay up front.  As we headed to the cash register, I groaned when I saw the long line.  This would take forever and the kids were already antsy. 

Jesse heard me and said, “How about I take the kids on a hike to the car, and then we’ll meet you out front?” 

            “Sounds like a plan.  Come here Kady, and I’ll help you with your coat.”

            Kady brought her fluffy pink coat to me and I zipped it up over her pink flower shirt.  She wanted a pink cake for her birthday – this girl had a fetish.  I gave her a hug, and then she ran over to her father.  Alex already had his coat on, but he came over and gave me a hug, too. 

“Love you, Mom,” he whispered in my ear.  

“I love you, too, bud.  I’ll see you guys in a bit, okay?” 

Alex nodded as he went over to grab Jesse’s hand.  I looked at Kady and said, “And I love you, too, sweet pea.” 

She giggled, “I love you, Mom!” 

            I went and hugged my husband who said, “We’ll wait for you just out front, babe.”

            I laughed, “Whatever.  I’ll be there before you guys even make it to the car!” 

 “We’ll see about that,” Jesse chuckled.

He looked into my eyes for a long moment, and kissed me more passionately than normal for a public place, until the kids started saying, “Ewwww!  Dad!  Mom!”

We laughed and the kids started pulling on Jesse’s arms, “C’mon, Dad!  Let’s go!” 

            “I love you,” I smiled at Jesse as he was being pulled away.

            “Love you, too.  So much,” he gave me the smile that won me over from the start, then turned, picked Kady up and grabbed Alex’s hand. 

            I walked over and got in line to pay.  I had only moved a couple of feet when I heard the squeal of tires against the pavement, followed by yelling coming from the parking lot.  Everyone inside looked over to see what was going on.  The man in front of me commented loud enough for all to hear, “Oh great, that fender bender is going to make it tough to get out of the parking lot.” 

The woman with him responded, “By the time we get through this line, I bet it’s all cleaned up.” 

Everyone in line chuckled.  I couldn’t help my curiosity, and kept glancing out the front windows.  A few minutes later, I was halfway through the line.  I heard the sound of distant sirens.  Suddenly, I felt queasy.  Ambulances meant someone was hurt.  I scanned the front of the parking lot and saw no sign of our silver Honda and started panicking.  Something didn’t feel right.  I grabbed some cash out of my purse, threw it in the general direction of the counter, and ran out the door just as the ambulances were entering the rear parking lot.  I ran to the back corner of the parking lot where my worst nightmare awaited.

            I saw a small crowd of people scattered in three separate, small circles.  No, please, no, I thought.  I pushed my way through the people and medics carrying stretchers.  I first saw Kady, my baby girl, eyes closed, not moving, not breathing.  My heart stopped beating.  I turned my head to the right and saw Alex, my firstborn, lying farther away in a position that could only mean his back was broken.  He wasn’t breathing, either.  There is too much blood.  This can’t be happening.  I’ll wake up at any moment. Please just let me wake up. I turned to where most of the people were standing and saw my husband, lying there in a pool of blood, broken, but someone doing CPR on him.  Why wasn’t anyone doing CPR on our children?  Why was no one trying to save them? Deep down, I knew the answer, but refused to accept it.  I was sobbing uncontrollably and tried to let someone know this is my family.  “That’s my…these are my…” I couldn’t finish a sentence, but one of the paramedics understood and gently took my arm, pulling me away from my family.  “No!” I shrieked.  I had to be with my family. 

He calmly said, “Ma’am, we need to get your husband to the hospital.  You need to get in the ambulance.  You can ride in the back with him.” 

I tried to ask the question I didn’t want to know the answer to, “Our children?” 

The paramedic didn’t have to say anything.  The look on his face, combined with a slow shaking of his head as he looked down, said it all, “I’m so very sorry.” 

My world was slowly shattering around me.  I couldn’t grasp it.  My head wouldn’t let reality sink in yet.  “What happened?” I whispered. 

            The paramedic responded quietly, “Right now it looks like a teenager was driving around, much too fast.  He was texting, not paying attention.  Your husband and children were crossing the road.  Your husband tried to shield the children, but it appears as though he only had seconds to realize what was happening.  I’m sorry, but we need to get going.”

            I saw my husband on the stretcher, in a neck brace, an IV line being hooked up to him.  Then I saw what no parent should ever see: the body bags meant for my children.  I was still sobbing as I climbed in the ambulance after Jesse was loaded.  This CAN’T be happening!  The sirens wailed as we sped to the hospital.  There was a team of EMT’s working on Jesse.  I couldn’t even see his face.  I listened on and off during the short ride and heard bits and pieces of what they were saying, “spinal cord shattered…paralyzed if he makes it…major skull fracture…we need a transfusion….are the surgeons ready?”  Nothing was registering.  We arrived at the hospital and my husband was whisked away to pre-op. 

A nurse came up to me and gently said, “Hi, I’m Shirley.  I need you to come with me, Mrs. Anderson.” 

I didn’t respond, but wondered how she knew my name.  She showed me to the pre-op room where two surgeons were examining my husband.  I heard what seemed to be the end of their conversation.  “…wouldn’t do any good.” One of the surgeons interrupted the one who was talking.  He turned to me, “Are you his next of kin?” 

            I nodded, numbly, silent tears flowing down my cheeks, “I’m Jesse’s wife, Emma.” 

            The surgeon nodded in acknowledgment, “There is too much damage to his spinal cord; too much internal bleeding.  You need to say your goodbyes.  I’m so sorry.”  I watched as the other surgeon sewed up my husband’s scalp, his arm, his leg…so much blood.  “Unfortunately, Emma, when your husband tried to save your children, he turned his back towards the oncoming car.  Your children died instantly.  Your husband doesn’t have long.  Is there anyone you want us to call for you?”  I couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate on the question.  I just shook my head.  They both left the room after once again giving me their apologies.  I went to Jesse’s bedside.  His eyes were closed.  No! They said I had more time with him! NO!  I gently pressed my hand against the side of his face.  With great effort, he opened his eyes and looked at me. 

            “I love you, babe.  Don’t ever forget that,” he whispered hoarsely.

            I was sobbing again, “Please don’t go, Jess. Please.  I can’t lose you.  Not you, too,” I begged him through the tears.

            Something registered on his face, “The kids?” 

I shook my head while I cried. 

Tears ran down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Em.  I tried.  The car was coming so fast.  I’m sorry.”

            I put my fingers over his lips, “I know you tried, I know.  Listen to me. This is not your fault.  Don’t think that way ever.  Just focus on getting better.  You have to get better,” I tried to will some life into him.

            He looked at me with a sympathetic expression and squeezed my hand, “Em, you are the love of my life.  Don’t ever forget that.  But just because I’m dying, doesn’t mean you have to, too.  I need you to live your life.  You’re young, gorgeous, and have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known.  Don’t be alone – don’t be afraid to love again.”

            I was sobbing as I tried to choke out a response to make him understand, “No. NO! I can’t…no.  You are my husband and I love you.  No one else.  Nothing will change that, even death,” my voice broke on the last word.  Jesse was just preparing for the worst, like always.  He was always so prepared even when it wasn’t needed.  Like now.  As gently as I could, I climbed up on the bed next to him and just lay with him.  He held me the best he could and I clung to him like a lifeline.  This couldn’t be happening.  It just couldn’t. 

“Please don’t go,” I pleaded in a whisper. 

            “Aw, babe, you know I would stay if I had a choice,” his voice was strained.  I could hear his breathing getting slower and slower, more and more shallow. 

            “No, please, no,” I stroked his face, then leaned in and kissed him, willing him to stay with me.

            He looked at me with a peaceful expression and whispered, “I love you Emma Nicole Anderson.  I will always be with you.”

            “I love you, too, Jesse Robert Anderson,” the tears had never stopped, and I leaned in again and kissed him one last time.  As I pulled back, I heard the heart monitor stop beeping and just stay in one line.  Nurses and doctors rushed in, checking my husband’s vitals.  Someone gently pulled me away.  I heard someone’s hysterical cries, realized they were my own, turned and grabbed the nurse holding my arm and sobbed into her shoulder.